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Return of the Son of Cream of Mush!

Yes my friends, time for some deadly quotes.  As mentioned in the previous post, I don't want to spoil your fun, so skip this if you are concerned about spoilers... :-)

Miss Preen (Whiteside's nurse):  Oh my, you mustn’t eat candy, Mr Whiteside.  It’s very bad for you.
Whiteside: My Great Aunt Jennifer ate a whole box of candy every day of her life.  She lived to be 102, and when she’d been dead three days, she looked better than you do now!

Bert (local newshound, Maggie's love interest): What do his sponsors give him?
Maggie (W's secretary): A full year’s supply of their product – Cream of Mush.
Bert: Cream of Mush!  Well, he gives it right back to ’em over the air!

Whiteside (to John, the butler): I don’t suppose there’s any whale blubber in this town? [NB required to feed Whiteside's penguins!]
Dr Bradley (entering the room - he is a portly gentleman): Good evening.
Whiteside: Ohh, yes, there is!

June (Mr Stanley's daughter, referring to her beau): Oh, Mr Whiteside, he’s a very sensitive boy…  You – you’ll be kind to him, won’t you?
Whiteside: Confound it, June, when are you going to learn that I am always kind and courteous?!  Bring this idiot in!

Whiteside: Miss Preen!!  MISS PREEN!!!!
Miss Preen (entering): Yes sir, yes sir…!
Whiteside: Miss Preen, where do you hide yourself all the time?
Miss Preen: Mr Whiteside, I can only be in one place at a time!
Whiteside: Well, that’s very fortunate for this community!

Sometimes, SW says things that are funny just from sheer randomness:

Mr Stanley: Five minutes, Mr Whiteside – including that!  [He is attempting to evict SW, and various large items that are cluttering up the living room.]
Lorraine: Who’s that man?
Whiteside: He announces the time every few minutes.  I pay him a small sum.
Lorraine: But what on earth for, Sherry…?
Whiteside (exasperated): I LOST MY WATCH!

Some of the other characters get some ace lines too.  Beverly Carlton, a suave and soigné actor/playwright (and obviously a caricature of Noël Coward), has a few gems:

Beverly Carlton (not altogether seriously): The trip was fabulous.  I wrote two plays, a revue, and an operetta – all of them so brilliant that they frighten me!  How can one man possibly be as clever as I am?!
Whiteside: It’s one of the mysteries of the universe!

And, wackiest of all...

Beverly Carlton: I arrived in white tie and tails, to be met at the entrance by two bewigged butlers who very quietly proceeded to take off my trousers.  I was then ushered, in my lemon silk shorts, into the room, where there was Norma Shearer, Claudette Colbert and many, many others!

And oh my!  Miaow:

Lorraine (an actress, out to get her claws into Bert): You know, every time I see you, I keep thinking your hair could be so lovely.  I always want to get my hands on it!
Maggie (archly): You know, I’ve always wanted to get mine on yours, Lorraine…

But I think my favourite lines of all are delivered by Banjo, an enthusiastically OTT comedian, played by the lovely Jimmy Durante:

Banjo (flirtatiously, to Miss Preen): Come to my room in a half hour… and BRING SOME RYE BREAD!  [I don't know why, but Banjo seems to have an obsession with smoked salmon, which may account for this instruction...]

Banjo (to Whiteside): I brought you a wonderful present – this sweater was once worn by Lana Turner.  Try it on for size!

Banjo: Whaddaya mean Lorraine Sheldon ‘happened to come here’?  I smell a rat, Sherry… a rat with a beard!

And finally...

Whiteside: Banjo, you’re wonderful.  I may write a book about you.
Banjo (cheerfully): Don’t bother, I can’t read!

That's all folks!!!

Eavesdrop, snoop, and sigh with yearning...

This journal is not a private diary, it is more like an occasional, imaginary column. Therefore, much of it is on public display. However, if you want to read my occasional attempts at creative writing, my Caution Elf tells me I should only show that stuff to my friends. You know what to do. :-)

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