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The Exciting Adventures of Rod Johnson

I'm sorry about the lame content of this entry, but really!!  I'm sick of all this ludicrous, testosterone-orientated spam!  Work email should really have a better spam filter on it, especially given the nature of my workplace.

My inbox is full (no sniggering, please.  Doubles entendres not intended.) of what I can only describe as Implement Mail.  I've noticed that the heap of Viagra Mail I used to get so much of has tailed off (so to speak), and now the burden of the spammer's song is focused on alerting me to how the disappointed male may improve upon what nature gave him, in the trouser department.  (Is that coy enough for you??!)

Most of these little homilies are directed at the man who feels inadequate around The Ladies, although recently I did have one which was aimed at men who would rather impress The Boys.  (Ah..., Progress!)

And the latest one is headlined "Bed so well you can convert a lesbian"!  (Yes, chaps, of course, becoming *even manlier* is just the thing to tempt those stubborn acolytes of Sappho away from their girlfriends... groan.)  It also exhorts the satisfied customer to "show the world what you (sic) new found member looks like".  (Yes, because indecent exposure is an excellent idea, yes?  No...?  Hmm...)

It's strange, but I can't remember ever having received any solicitations from people kindly offering to sell me female enhancement products.  Do they think men are more gullible than women?  Does anyone actually fall for this stuff?!

I will leave you with one final thought, from 'Joseph Robinson', whose marvellous product is apparently so effective that "Your [insert euphemism of choice here] will make more shadow than a tree."

Permit me to remind any gentlemen who might be reading this that such an effect may not win you many admirers, because... Average is Average for a Reason. :-)

Here endeth the drivel.  Amen!!

Comments

( 14 confidences — Confide in me... )
yesihavecookies
Apr. 22nd, 2008 12:00 pm (UTC)
You should write these things. You'd use much better grammar, and you're selling it just by talking about it now. Sign me up! I want to convert lesbians right away.
song_of_copper
Apr. 22nd, 2008 12:50 pm (UTC)
Wow, how's this for an idea. I tempt men to send me money in exchange for lesbian-mesmerising crotch enhancements. But I actually send them something much more powerful...

...Pills that give one the ability always to say the right thing to women.

Obviously I'll have to spend some time and money on R&D, but if I succeed, the battle of the sexes may be over!! ;-)
steve98052
Apr. 22nd, 2008 01:13 pm (UTC)
Yeah, where are the boob cream ads?
song_of_copper
Apr. 22nd, 2008 01:39 pm (UTC)
Thankfully, not in my inbox! :-)
helloalena
Apr. 22nd, 2008 04:21 pm (UTC)
Hi I was ridingcarousals but it got deleted somehow! Would like to still be friends however, so added you on my new name, add me back?
song_of_copper
Apr. 22nd, 2008 04:31 pm (UTC)
Yes, of course! I had wondered what happened...
desperance
Apr. 22nd, 2008 05:31 pm (UTC)
It's strange, but I can't remember ever having received any solicitations from people kindly offering to sell me female enhancement products.

When I first started getting spam, there was an alternating stream of male or female enhancements offered, regardless of the gender of the recipient; many a time and oft I could have had my breasts enlarged. That side of things tailed off, though, fairly rapidly. I'm guessing that the offers to, erm, extend the male member (and until you have heard John Gielgud utter the words "consume the male member", you have not lived...) elicit so many more financially-rewarding responses, the distaff side of the business was simply abandoned...
song_of_copper
Apr. 22nd, 2008 05:50 pm (UTC)
Maybe it's that breasts of all sizes have their open admirers - but for some reason, men have the notion that bigger must always be better...

I'll admit that having parts of one's anatomy inspire a cry of "Wow, it's so adequate!" from the party of the second part might not be the most ego-boosting experience, but oh well...!

[I think I prefer life on the distaff side! ;-)]
desperance
Apr. 22nd, 2008 06:07 pm (UTC)
I have, I confess, never been a size queen (some of my boyfriends have been tiny! *g*) - but in the nature of things I didn't really get that the size of women's breasts was any kind of issue either side of the divide, until a friend of mine admitted that she was in line for breast-reducing surgery. Because of the sheer discomfort, she said - and I'm still not sure whether that was entirely physical, or whether part of the discomfort was the way men treated her.

It occurs to me - perhaps rather late in the day? - that if men want to be bigger, it's for their own pleasure; if women want to be bigger, it's for the pleasure of their men. Hmm.
song_of_copper
Apr. 22nd, 2008 07:45 pm (UTC)
Y'know, there are lots of advantages to being a 32B! No backache, men look you in the eye when they're talking to you, you'll always find clothes to fit you, and you can go bra-less without anyone noticing (unless you want them to notice, I s'pose...)! So maybe it was a combination of various forms of discomfort.

(Hee. It occurs to ME - again, rather late in the day - that there's not much difference between us hooman beinz and a bunch of baboons!)
desperance
Apr. 22nd, 2008 10:12 pm (UTC)
men look you in the eye when they're talking to you

Something fjm said to me very early on in our friendship, at a con, where she was wearing her corset: "Y'know, I can always spot the gay men, they're the ones who look me in the eye..."
song_of_copper
Apr. 23rd, 2008 08:21 am (UTC)
Haha! That image would make a splendid cartoon. Or perhaps the punchline to a round of Consequences: "When Diana Dors met Kenneth Williams..."

(Corsetry as a sexuality litmus test - unfortunately, that would work less well for me. If I plucked up the courage to wear the get up and then encountered a lack of ocular focus from nearby males, I'd most likely assume it was down to my failure to 'carry off the look', rather than being an indication of more general preferences! Oh well...)
(Deleted comment)
song_of_copper
Apr. 23rd, 2008 08:28 am (UTC)
I think my trouble began when my email address got printed in recruitment ads. Before that, I got NO spam at all! Grr...

Never had anything in Russian, though. I wonder whether they cover the same ground as the ones in English?!
( 14 confidences — Confide in me... )

Eavesdrop, snoop, and sigh with yearning...

This journal is not a private diary, it is more like an occasional, imaginary column. Therefore, much of it is on public display. However, if you want to read my occasional attempts at creative writing, my Caution Elf tells me I should only show that stuff to my friends. You know what to do. :-)

NB: If you add me in an unsolicited fashion, please introduce yourself. Otherwise I will probably ignore you.

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